WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A leading candidate to replace the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, was disqualified after telling the truth repeatedly on his job application, the White House has confirmed.
According to the White House chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, the candidate got high marks in his job interview by demonstrating “utter disregard and contempt for press freedoms.”
“We then had him do a practice press briefing in which he was relentlessly abusive, obnoxious, and insulting,” Mulvaney said. “We were all, like, ‘This is our guy.’ ”
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But after a thorough examination of the candidate’s job application, “a troubling series of truthhoods emerged,” Mulvaney said.
“It turned out that he was telling the truth about his education and previous employment,” the chief of staff said. “It was a pattern of honesty that we found deeply disturbing.”
Mulvaney said that the “inexcusably veracious” answers had eliminated the candidate from further consideration. “We all feel like we just dodged a bullet,” he said. “This whole episode just demonstrates how tough it is to replace Sarah Huckabee Sanders.”